Silhouette
by SingleMinded
Summary: When Jay was missing, the investigation shed a layer of a missing memory from his childhood and it becomes a dark shadow they never knew. Rated T for future.
1. Prologue

**Summary:** When Jay was missing, the investigation shed a layer of a missing memory from his childhood and it becomes a dark shadow they never knew.

 **Warning** : I change the warning. Mention of drug abuse in earlier chapters and child abuse in later chapters.

 **Author's Note :** I never post any new story for almost a year. I have a lot of plot bunnies (including some from the prompts I received) but it seems like, when you stop writing, you kinda forgot how to write one. I'm not satisfied at all with this but, I need to start with something. Also, I have no idea what I should write in next chapter, so read at your own risk. So here we goes. As usual, no beta reader so there're gonna be mistakes because English is not my first language.

 **Disclaimer :** CPD and their characters belong to NBC and the production team. Also, I'm not sure how Chicago Police radioed their code, but I try to write it anyway. The title Silhouette was taken from Aquilo's song. My original idea should be in the lyrics (part of).

* * *

 **Silhouette**

 **Prologue**

by SingleMinded

It felt like his legs had been chained to a big heavy rock and he was forced to run with it. Every step seemed like a day to lift up, a week to swing ahead and a year to reach the next spot. Everything was tough – his move, his breathing, his view and even his head never felt this way before. The ache was knocking his skull every two seconds and he didn't know how to stop it. He should lie down.

But he couldn't.

 _He shouldn't_.

The grey shirt felt damped to his clammy skin. _Blood?_ Maybe. The metallic scent hit his nostrils hard enough to ignore. But every single inch of his body was numb to even feel any injuries. That was alarming.

 _Right?_

However his heart was responding the other way around – far too calm for his liking. Calm should be good but not right now. It was strange. Human's body had a natural ability to be responsive to its surrounding. So should his. Maybe he was still asleep.

 _Wake up, Jay!_

The air was so hot, worsening his already ragged and heavy breathing. He grunted. The dark, grassy room was spinning. But he shouldn't stop. He needed to get out of the unfamiliar room, somewhere else, anywhere outside – any place he could ease the pain in his head. .

Opening the door and left it ajar, the wind blew to his skin and made him shiver. The thin sweatshirt and shady blue jeans were obviously not enough to protect his skin from the wind. He really wanted to hug himself, kept his body warm as he preferred but again, his mind didn't work. He wasn't moving as he thought he would. The only thing he did was walking and kept walking. Bare foots landed on the small sharp stones, scratching the pale skin and leaving some dirt there.

 _Why is he there? Where is the team? Why can't he remember anything at all?_

He passed the motel's single parking lot, dragging his legs onto the grass, approaching the main road. It was a slow move but he managed to get by edge of the asphalt. Everything was blurry and the world was moving slower and slower. He couldn't name anything he saw because it was surreal.

A drunken junkie – that must be what people saw him now.

He made a small step onto the blacktop, not halting after the first as he went further onto the road.

However a loud noise shoved inside his ears unexpectedly – like a fast stab of needle. As it felt like he was being attacked, he brought his right hand slowly to the head, clutching and gripping the short hair hard. The loud noise thumped inside his ears, growing the already strong headache to an unbearable level. His other hand grasped his sweatshirt, trying to lessen the pain in his chest. His breathing became irregular and heavier.

"St… stop it…" voice cracked from his lips – for the first time. But it changed nothing. The noise was still there and it seemed like it was getting closer.

"Jay!"

A familiar voice.

 _Who's that?_

He looked up at the direction, trying to open his eyes – which he never realized were grimaced shut. Maybe he was crazy, but everything was multiplied and the view became grayer. _Damn it._ He almost lost his balance as stumbled, then he just realized, his legs were still moving.

There – in short distance – a shady figure ran toward him, getting them closer.

 _Adam?_

The face became clear. Ruzek was saying something but it was all fuzzy to him.

"…'t of the way, Jay! What are you doing?! Get out of there!" Ruzek sounded panic and he knew it was bad. _But what is it? Why is he screaming at me?_

The loud shriek came again. Fortunately, this time it was loud enough to brush off the other sounds around him including Ruzek's. He moved his head to his left. It was still hazy but he could see better now. A big black truck was running towards him and in another twelve yards, he would became a road kill.

His heart stopped as well as his mind.

The only thing he knew next was a hard knock to his body before he felt like flying backward and all the blackness took place.

…

Ruzek groaned as he pushed himself up as fast as he could, avoiding his body from crushing Jay's and worsening the injuries even more – if he had any.

"Jay?"

His friend didn't move – at all.

"11-41. Roll an ambo to 89 and Ashland. This is Officer Ruzek. Attention to all patrols. I found Detective Jay Halstead." He radioed in.

With a wobbly hand, he checked for pulse - which was weak but at least he was alive - and any broken bones so when he found none, he exhaled a shaky breath – emotionally. Tears started to well up as he went closer, holding his unconscious friend in a hug. His favorite shirt was going to be stained with blood but he didn't care anymore.

"I've got you…" Sighing in relief, he mumbled.

"I've got you."

 **TBC**

* * *

 **I actually miss to read your reviews. So please write some for me *make cute face that deserve a slap*.**


	2. Chapter 1

**Summary:** When Jay was missing, the investigation shed a layer of a missing memory from his childhood and it becomes a dark shadow they never knew.

 **Warning** : I change the warning. Mention of drug abuse in earlier chapters and child abuse in later chapters.

 **Author's Note :** Thank you for the awesome reviews from everyone and for those reading my prev chapter. I'm sorry for being late. Actually I started writing this chapter right after my prologue. But like I said before, I didn't know what the direction of this story is so, this is like my twelfth (?) times changing the way this chapter goes. This is also my first time writing crime case, so I feel like it's kinda hard to build up from scratch. Hopefully you guys like it. Oh BTW, there was no Jay's POV in this chapter but everyone's POV is about him. And every single medical jargon in this chapter was based on what I could find in Google. Please forgive me if they were out of place or too ridiculous lol.

 **Disclaimer :** CPD and their characters belong to NBC and the production team. The title Silhouette was taken from Aquilo's song. My original idea should be in the lyrics (part of).

* * *

 **Silhouette**

 **Chapter 1**

by SingleMinded

That morning was unusually quiet in the Emergency Department of Chicago Med. Only two out of six rooms were occupied as most of the patients were treated as outpatients in the clinic.

Doctor Rhodes was filling up a form at the front desk when he saw Maggie approaching the desk to start her shift.

"Good morning, Maggie."

"Good morning, Doctor Rhodes," she waited for his queue question but it never came. She sighed.

"What is it, spill it out. You never greet me in the morning except if you have question."

Rhodes furrowed his eyebrows – thinking. "I never did?"

She shook her head, smiling at his antics. He smiled back but suddenly became serious as he stopped looking at the chart and made a hand gesture to get her closer.

"Maybe it's nothing but maybe, you knew something. Do you know why Will is still on leave? Because I couldn't get hold of him. I'm fine relieving him here, I just wanna know." He said, concern written all over his face.

Her face changed as she heard the question and he knew right away that he caught the right person to ask. He quizzed the same question around for the whole shift but nobody knew anything – not even Natalie.

"Haven't you heard anything?" She asked him back.

"Well, do you think I will ask if I knew?"

"His brother is missing." He was taken aback, unexpecting the answer.

"Jay is missing?" She nodded. "When?"

"I'm not sure. Maybe since the day Will took his leaves. Five days?"

Their conversation interrupted when the machine in her hand beeped. "Incoming, Trauma 2's open!" She turned to Rhodes. "Can you take this?" He gave a slight nod, reaching for a pair of blue gloves to protect his hands before getting through the entrance.

In a few seconds, a blue team of EMTs was shoving the gurney with a patient into the emergency door. One of them was continuously performing chest compressions while the other was explaining the situation to the medical team.

"Thirty three year old male, GCS 8 on scene and dropped to 3 en route. Heart's in Brady arrest. BP 80 over 40. Atropine en route but no pacing performed. We found nothing on scene but it's probably OD."

Rhodes approached the team to assist, noticing Adam Ruzek – Jay's colleague – was following them close behind. For some reason, his short conversation with Maggie ticked in his mind, leading him to shove his gaze straight to the patient

It was Jay Halstead.

"What the…." He was lost of words. As he pushed the gurney inside Trauma 2, he managed to look at Maggie.

"Maggie, do whatever you can to get hold of Will." She nodded – firmly.

"On three. One, two, three." Jay was smoothly moved from the first gurney to the bed. The ambu bag changed hands as they continued to compress the air.

"April, get me TCP and ready to X-ray," orders were flying around as everyone was moving as fast as they could.

"What happened to him?" Doctor Choi suddenly appeared, taking over the chest compression from the EMT. Noah should be the one to assist but when he noticed who the patient was, he couldn't help but offering his own support.

"Possible OD."

That was the only answer he got as everyone was so busy, trying to hook Jay up with every single machines in the room. Choi took his hands off Jay's chest just to give way for Rhodes to rip open the bloody grey shirt before continuing his chest compressions.

As the torso was bare opened to everyone's view, their eyes were tormented with the sight. Being in medical field, they knew exactly that every single bruises and cuts were made intentionally. Or in other word, the injuries had only mean one thing – Jay had been tortured.

Rhodes exchanged glances with his Asian colleague – both with fury in their eyes. Whoever did this to Jay was definitely crazy and sick.

It was unacceptable.

Jay's too warm body was obviously fighting the infection on its own. Fresh blood was still running from some deep cuts but most were already stopped and caked on the skin. Rhodes needed to clean the red fluid with white cloth before placing both TCP's pads on Jay's upper right and lower left chest.

"Clear!" as the button pressed, he eyed the monitor diligently – waiting for the unsteady and weak pulse to get recovered.

He nodded as the numbers seemed to climb slowly. "BP is still low but rhythm is good enough for now. Get me an X-ray and April, do the tox screen."

As Choi was working on the x-ray machine, Rhodes couldn't keep his eyes away from the younger man under his care.

 _What the hell happened to you, Jay?_

…

The buzzer dinged as the door was opening an exit of the elevator. Antonio stepped onto the cold hospital floor – hesitating of his next track at first since he was unfamiliar with the direction of the Surgical Department.

Jay was found at nine in the morning. He was done inspecting the scene with Alvin two hours after that. Another one hour to finish his report of the scene inspection and ready to be submitted. Voight said he would be in the office after lunch. So he waited again, discussing the case with Alvin and Atwater in the meantime. Until he ended up here at eight in the night because Voight was still nowhere to be seen at the district.

He felt like he was being neglected.

And that was up to one minute ago.

Because now, standing at the end of the hallway – rigid posture, arms crossed across his chest, looking dejected – was his boss.

And the older man was facing straight into a patient's room – which he knew exactly whose.

Antonio relaxed his previous strain face. The rage fabricated since a few hours ago flew away like a wind. Knowing that Voight was being there all that time was somehow, a relief.

Voight and Jay's relationship was not as hassle as they were before. It was pretty interesting actually. He noticed it. Since he brought the kid into the Unit, Voight was really giving Jay a hard time – mostly because of Erin. Or he could say that it was the only reason of the harsh treatment. Even at some point – when Voight already gave his blessing to the lovebirds – Jay was always under his radar.

But then, after Erin was not around anymore, it hit both of them hard – especially Jay.

Antonio didn't really sure if Voight's behavior around Jay afterward was out of his sympathy or maybe guilt over what happened between Jay and Erin – but he happened to notice the change in Voight. From scary and annoying _father in law_ , the older guy started to give special care to the kid – unintentionally.

As if he was treating Jay _as his son?_

Inevitably, it was not weird at all. He lost his wife, then his son and now he _lost_ his _daughter_ too. His real grandson and daughter in law was living far away.

Voight was practically alone.

So, if his boss decided to neglect the case and the team to pay extra attention to Jay, he was so fine by that.

Jay was the case anyway.

"Voight." He called, startling the older guy. Voight turned to face him, bringing his arms down into the pocket.

"Sorry, man. I should go back to the district."

"It's okay." They stood side by side, eyeing inside the room. It was single-bed-post-surgical ward. The real wall was only waist height. Other than that, it was covered by clear transparent glass so the nurses could monitor the patients from their workstation. While the door to the room had already opened ajar but Voight was still standing outside. Peeking inside the room thoroughly, Antonio could clearly see the reason why.

With exhausted and worn out face, Will Halstead was sleeping awkwardly in the provided chair beside Jay's bed.

Will was so angry after finding out that Jay was missing right after meeting his CI. Antonio remembered two days ago, when the young doctor came to them, throwing punches and almost hit Voight if only he wasn't caught by Atwater from behind.

" _This is on you! You should keep him safe! You promised!"_

He wondered what kind of promise was made between Voight and Will. But at one point, he was pretty sure that there was an ugly argument between the guys when Jay was abducted by Derek Keyes, a couple of years ago.

Antonio cleared his throat. "How is he actually?"

There was a couple of second halt before he heard the answer. "He's doing pretty good. They fixed something on his lung, I'm not sure what that was. They are still monitoring him for infection."

"Ruzek told me that he OD-ed on something."

Voight sighed, brushing his right palm to his drowsy face. "Benzo. The doctors said, the dose was so high that it effected his heart and lungs. They will transfer him to ICU after this if there is no improvement to his breathing."

Antonio nodded. "We found Joshua's body and tox screen showed that he OD-ed with opioid and Benzo. From the evidences at the scene, it was self-poisoning."

He glanced back to look at Jay. The machine beeped steadily, as the ventilator pumped the air through the long blue tube connected to Jay's mouth. His bandaged torso was covered slightly by the blanket and wires could be seen poking out of the same woolen material to the machines.

Looking at Jay's condition, he felt a new built up rage inside his heart.

"I actually wasn't sure what Joshua's intention was. He tortured Jay and then drugged him for days before self-poisoning himself for suicide? I get the drugging part, maybe he wanted to kill Jay too anyway but I'm not so sure about the torturing part. He had financial problem, not mental problem. He wasn't even using Jay as leverage to get a ransom or anything."

"I don't know man. We can check it out tomorrow. He used Benzo, he might be the direct user. Only Jay knew him better. As long as we got Jay, I don't care about others. Joshua is dead anyway."

Hearing the answer, Antonio peeked at his superior slightly, trying to read the old man. Usually, Voight demanded a firm closure – either on or off paper. But clearly, this case wore him off. Voight looked older than he should be and he believed, he looked the same himself.

"You should get some rest, Voight." He uttered the words, hesitating over the reaction he would receive.

But Voight just looked at him – and smiled. "We all should. After this."

…..

Will fixed his brown jacket as he stepped into the Intelligence Unit – carefully balancing two boxes of donut in his other hand. He managed to whisper a 'thank you' to Sergeant Platt who helped him unlocked the gate.

Jay spent another two days on ventilator until he was weaned off the machine this morning. Although barely conscious but at least, his brother showed a real sign of living. So, after spending two days in and out of Jay's hospital room, he managed to get some air and think clearly. So here he was, trying to repent his bad behavior days before – especially towards Hank Voight. He knew, he shouldn't blame anybody over what happened to Jay except Joshua, the abductor. Nobody knew it would happened and he felt ashamed of what he did back then.

Heated discussion could be heard from the bullpen as he stepped inside and stood up behind the group of people.

"Hey Dr. Halstead," Voight greeted since he was the only person who faced him.

"Sorry for interrupting," he smiled awkwardly, couldn't hide his nervousness as everyone turned around to look at him.

"I'm…," he halted, putting the boxes onto the nearest table. "I'm here to apologize about my bad behavior in these past few days… and to thank you for saving my brother."

Antonio smiled, standing up and pulled the younger man in a hug. "Don't worry, man. If I'm in your shoes, I'll act the same way too. Beside, he's family. We care about him too, Will."

"How's Jay?" Voight sat at the edge of the table. The other team members nodded, eager to know the same thing too.

Will inhaled and exhaled a long breathe, shoving both his cold hands inside his pocket. "He's finally improving, showing sign to wake up."

"Whoa, he was?"

"Really?"

"That's good."

He smiled at their responses, feeling a big relief once again. He reminded himself that they were friends, not the enemy.

"He is. Thanks to you guys. Hey, just enjoy this for breakfast. I'm gonna leave you guys back to hmm… that?" he hovered his hand towards the whiteboard, noticing a bunch of pictures – six to be exact – glued to the surface with big black 'GINGERBREAD's VICTIMS' inked as the title.

They were all male, in their thirties and blonde.

"We left the case to Homicide after your brother was missing but seems like they gave us the case back. Don't worry, we're still working on closuring Jay's case." Antonio said as he saw Will's questioning look.

"What's Gingerbread?" He couldn't help but asking.

Ruzek interrupted, "That's our serial killer. He left gingerbread's crumbs when he snatched his victims."

"Huh, weird people," Will furrowed his eyebrows but smiled slightly, begrudging the amusement he felt. "Anyway, when we were little, I used to call Jay, Blondie, because of his ginger hair that was so bright, it looked almost as blonde. And he hated that so much."

"And now his red hair is darker than yours, almost brown." Will and Ruzek laughed together.

Phone was ringing from the desk at the end of the corner. Atwater jumped to receive the call as Will eyed the big guy's action as his cue to leave.

The doctor huffed. "Alright guys, I need to go. Have a brother to bubble wrapped. This is like the fourth time he had been abducted. I think I should implant a tracker in his body or something."

His last comment raved laughter inside the bullpen as he parted away.

Ruzek spun around in the chair, facing his team. "Wow… fourth time? Twice with us, when was the other two?"

"I knew one was from his last tour in Afghanistan." Alvin chipped in from behind his desk. The older guy loved to talk to Jay about their army lives. So basically, he knew that kind of story from Jay himself.

"When was the other one?" Ruzek chanted – couldn't hide his curiosity. Being kidnapped four times was considered rare in his book – even with their dangerous job.

"Boss," Atwater picked a piece of paper from the printer and passed it to Voight. "I just got off the phone with Detective Marion from Homicide. She tipped me new info. When crosschecking the victims' names in Missing Person Database, all of them have history of being kidnapped when they were a kid."

Voight clenched his jaws as eyes fixed to the paper, reciting a bothered idea in his head. His obvious anxiousness started to taint the others as they became restless.

"Voight?" Antonio agitated – calling for any comment from his boss.

But Voight's long silence didn't help at all. Everyone was having the same idea in their head however nobody dare to say anything until Ruzek stood up, almost knocking his chair down.

"For God sake. Don't tell me this case has something to do with Jay?"

"Unfortunately, he is." Everybody turned to Upton as she rotated the screen monitor towards his boss and teammates.

In the familiar feature of Missing Person Database, a picture of five year old young Jayson Ryan Halstead smiled at them in his _blondish_ bright ginger hair.

 **TBC**

* * *

 **Okay, I think it's awkward to stop right there. Did I just confuse you with Joshua's story and did you get what I wanna tell you in the end? Actually, I got the 'blonde' Jay idea from Jesse's Instagram post of his childhood picture. He said he was a ginger once. And the pic he showed us could be mistaken as blonde, if you look at it slightly. I knew some red hair people used to have bright ginger hair that looked almost as blonde when they were a kid. I have black hair and I don't really know about hair color, sorry if I made a mistake.**

 **Anyway, even though this is not good enough, I hope to read some reviews :) Thanks for reading.**


	3. Chapter 2

**Warning** : Mention of drug abuse in earlier chapters and child abuse in later chapters.

 **Author's Note :** This should be finished like a week ago. But my nephew came over five days a week and he never left me alone. Like NEVER! lol. Anyway, thank you for all the reviews and follows. I really appreciate it. If you are a writer too, you will know how it feels to get good feedback. Some of you also gave me suggestion, I'll take some that can be used in this story and if it's related to the original plot. So thank you so much. Please forgive me for my level of English. It's not my first language and I rarely use it in my daily life. Happy reading.

 **Disclaimer :** CPD and their characters belong to NBC and the production team. The title Silhouette was taken from Aquilo's song. My original idea should be in the lyrics (part of).

* * *

 **Silhouette**

 **Chapter 2**

by SingleMinded

 _The smell was so bad that it burned his nostrils. It was cold at night – well, he just assumed that it was night outside because he couldn't see a thing since days ago. He tried to get some sleep but the clunking sound made every times the vehicle went over bumps restrained him from doing so._

 _Mom was supposed to tuck him to sleep but now, he didn't know if he could see her again._

" _Mom…" he sniffed. He wanted his mom._

 _He was so scared._

" _Hey kid." The voice at the other side of the cabin pulled his glance to a boy – the older boy._

 _He didn't know how to read people's age yet but the boy was obviously older and bigger than him. Maybe he was eight, like Will? There was another boy beside him – and this second boy was around his age. Both of them were brothers – he was certain about that._

 _The way the older boy took care of his younger brother all the times made him feel sad inside because he reminded him of Will. Another sniff released – this time, louder._

 _He wanted his brother too._

" _Hey, kid. Come here."_

 _He took another glance at the older boy – watching him gesturing the empty space at his left. It was dark because the only source of light was a dim light bulb at the corner of the cabin but he could see the smile from the boy – a sad smile._

 _But then he also noticed how the younger boy stiffened at his brother's action._

" _Liam, no." It was only a whisper but the voice echoed in the empty space._

 _He was pretty sure that they were rich kids. Both had nice jackets and shoes while he was shivering in his blue Superman shirt and denim pant. The younger boy must hated him – or afraid of him? Will always told him that rich kids would never wanted to be their friends. He couldn't understand why because at his kindergarten, every single kid was from their neighborhood._

 _But here, there were only three of them and for days, both of them never talked to him._

 _Not until just now._

" _It's okay, kiddo. He's with us." The boy smiled at his brother before looked at him again._

" _I'm Liam, and this is my brother. Just call him Junior. What's your name?"_

" _J… Jay… " His small voice sounded smaller._

" _Okay, come here Jay. Sit here." Again, the empty spot was patted._

 _Jay looked down onto the dark floor before shoving the tears away with his back hand. He didn't want to be alone again so he nodded. Trying to stand up in the moving vehicle was hard but he tried anyway – grunting when his wobbly small legs gave out as soon as the vehicle went over another bump._

 _Crawling was easier so he crawled. He could reach Liam's side just in a short time._

 _As they sat close to each other, he could clearly see their faces now – not really clear because it was still dark but at least it was better. Both of the brothers looked similar to each other – round faces with thick eyebrows. He just couldn't figure out if the hairs were brown or black but he could say that they had dark hair._

" _Here, wear this." Liam put his own jacket on his shivering shoulder. The leather skinned jacket was big but it was also warm. He felt safer in it – kind of._

" _Liam." Another protest from Junior but he was shut by his brother's hush._

 _Jay slumped back against the cabin's cold wall – feeling smaller under Junior's stare. Well, the bad guys were their enemies, but now he surely made another enemy._

 _The journey was continued in silence. Nobody said anything._

 _Jay's head sleepily lolled to his right – slightly touching Liam's shoulder – when the vehicle suddenly stopped. His little head snapped to the left when the back door had been opened roughly._

" _Get out!" The voice roared in his ears._

 _He shivered, hugging his knees tightly. The scary man wasn't the same man who shoved in their meals every single night. This man was a lot scarier with his big rough built. He couldn't really describe the face because like every single time before, the door was going to be opened only at night._

 _Jay could hear his own breath that was raggedly huffing in and out. Bringing his hands to his ears, he tried to shunt it away._

 _When nobody was moving, the man grunted – angry._

" _Go away. Liam, make him go away." As soon as the big guy stepped inside the cabin, Junior mumbled and cried._

" _I said get out!"_

 _The man grabbed him and Liam by the wrist and dragged them on the floor to the opened door. Junior screamed louder as he clung to his brother firmly._

 _Jay felt so hard to breath. Panic started to set in as the last thing he knew was being hauled across the thick shoulder before he blacked out._

…

Will put his coffee on the nurse's desk before walking leisurely to his brother's room. Yesterday was his last day off and he would start his first duty after a long leave in a couple more hours.

Gulping the last piece of donut – the same kind of donuts he gave to Voight's unit an hour ago – he closed the door cautiously as the door squeaked annoyingly if it was slid faster. Being a habit working in hospital, he unintentionally splash his palms with sanitizer's liquid as soon as he stepped inside.

Will stood at the end of the bed, studying his brother's still pale face prudently. Jay had been weaned off the ventilator and hooked to only a thin tube of cannula under his nose. He took the chart to read the night report from the doctor just to make sure that he missed nothing.

There was nothing stood out in the report except the expected higher temperature as Jay was still fighting the infection from the cuts. It was still under control but at least, that was the only concern they had up until now.

Putting down the chart into its pocket, Will moved to Jay's side. The warmth could be felt radiating from Jay's body as he carefully fixing the white blanket around his brother's waist. Seeking for second judgment, he placed his palm on Jay's forehead only to be greeted with a pair of half opened emerald green eyes.

"Hey." He said excitedly – couldn't hide his happiness.

Will pulled the provided chair closer and flopped at the edge of the seat, gripping Jay's arm at the same time.

"Jay." He called again, this time softly.

"Can you hear me, brother?" His hand moved to grip Jay's fingers – trying to assure his brother of his presence. Jay was awake before but he wasn't coherent enough to reply to anything. This time, he hoped Jay could respond something to ease his anxiousness.

Will looked closer at his brother, seeing the younger man blinking slowly – as if trying to figure out of his surroundings.

'CLANG!' Will jumped at the sudden clattering noises from outside, forcing him to turn his head towards the source of the sound. From behind the glass wall, the nurses were trying to save their metal kidney tray from the floor.

But only just then had he noticed the hard grip on his hand. Will looked back at his brother – worried.

Jay was facing to his left, as if trying to get away from something – _from him?_ His still weak limbs were moving slowly towards an awkward position. And the loud machine replicating his heartbeats was exactly the fuel added to the fire.

"Calm down, Jay." His words was being ignored – obviously.

Jay's breathing became louder as he tried to get away from his brother – pulling along the cables connected to his chest. The alarm on the machine went off as the cables disconnected.

Will panicked.

He wasn't really ready for this. But his brother needed him.

Shutting down the machine to get rid of the noises, he climbed up the bed, wrapping his brother in a hug. He didn't know if it was going to work or not because as weak as Jay's condition was, his struggle was real – Will almost lost his grip.

"Shhh… it's okay, you're safe. You're safe."

Jay's breathing ragged – trembling – as he was at the verge of panic attack. And Will knew he needed to do something. The sedative was only a few feet away but he didn't want to make it an option – yet. From the corner of his eyes, he saw a couple of nurses trying to get into the room but he shook his head, signaling them his objection. They stopped when they realized the situation.

"Jay, it's me, Will. You're safe. You're safe. He's gone now." He continued to whisper the same phrase –to convince his brother of what was real and what was not.

After a few minutes of struggling, Jay started to calm down – _or did he just passed out_? Will didn't know. But he could feel his brother's breathing had evened out. Jay's already warm body felt clammy on his chest. Still wrapping his brother in a back hug, he tried so much to avoid Jay's surgical wound – at the same time, praying that Jay didn't pull open any other stitches on his torso. When he was sure that his brother was completely asleep, he moved carefully – trying not to jostle his brother's sleeping form.

 _Is he really afraid of Joshua? Or is it something else?_

He wondered.

Looking down at Jay's peaceful face, Will sighed – fighting back tears that started to pool up in his eyes. He ran his fingers through Jay's hair – gently.

 _What happened to you, brother?_

'Bzzzz' the vibration in his pocket surprised him. Inhaling a deep breathe, he walked out of the room while eyeing the caller ID.

Hank Voight.

"Shannon, would you please hook him back up with the machines and notify Doctor Andy." Her nods gave him reassurance to leave his brother for a while.

Walking to the end of the hallway as his place to pick up the call, he answered. "Hey Voight."

"Sorry to bother you but we need to talk." Not a pleasant surprise but the grudge voice at the end of the line was too serious for his liking. Voight had serious character – true – but he was usually a nice person to talk to. And his tone just now only mean business.

"Yeah, of course. But you need to get down here. I'll start my shift in couple more hours. Besides… I don't think I can leave Jay alone."

It was a silent pause at the end of the line before he heard Voight's voice again. "Everything okay?"

There, the genuine concern he couldn't avoid. He didn't have the heart to hide anything from Jay's boss – and team. The team deserved to know – or at least, Voight deserved to know about this. While he was busy giving them a hard time as they were trying to find Jay, he could also see how hard they work to find his brother. One sleepless night after another, everyone was worried about Jay.

They mirrored every single feeling he had as the brother.

Leaning against the wall, he sighed. "I'm not sure. He was awake again but he doesn't seem to be aware of his surroundings."

"Is it still the drug's effect?"

"I don't know. Maybe. I rather it be the drug than another PTSD. Damn it! He's not even an addict. I'm not supposed to think like this." Will hit the wall behind him – frustrated.

He cursed as he remembered that he was still on the line with the Sergeant. "Sorry, I didn't mean to…"

"It's okay kid. I'll be there in ten. We need to talk about something important anyway."

"Yeah." He ended up the call, now wondering about the important thing Voight wanted to talk about. If it was related to the case, he was no use to them. Even if it wasn't related – still – he was no use to them.

Out of nowhere, he felt nervous.

…

Voight looked at the young man before him, witnessing the confusion written all over the face. He glanced at Alvin who was standing in front of Jay's room – observing the sleeping young colleague inside.

"What do you mean it's not Joshua?" Will's voice trembled. The thin paper in his hand shook slightly. The doctor tried to avoid looking at young Jay's 'missing person' picture printed on the paper – and Voight noticed that.

He cleared his throat, trying his best to explain the confusing situation.

"There are new information. But maybe it's just a hunch. We need you to help me now. Can you tell me everything about this?" Gesturing the missing person report and poster, he brought himself to sit beside the upset friend.

Will gasped a deep breathe, glancing a little to the picture before rubbing his right temple with his fingers. This thing was giving him headache.

"I'm not sure if I can help much. My memory was totally based on my view as a kid. We didn't talk about this anymore. This picture…" He shoved the paper in Voight's hand before continued, "…was burned a long time ago. This is the last time I'll talk about this and I hope you will never ask Jay about it."

"If it's related to the case then I need to…"

"He doesn't remember!" His high voice attracted attentions from the nurses and Alvin. The old detective walked towards them, trying to figure out the scene.

Will sighed. "He doesn't remember. And I want to keep it that way." Slouching deeper in the plastic seat, he shook his head – chuckling.

"I can't believe that I need to talk about this. It has been my nightmares for years and I only keep it to myself because nobody talk about it anymore."

Voight and Alvin waited patiently for the young man to carry on.

"That morning, I walked Jay to school. It was supposed to be my mom but our parents needed to visit a very sick relative so it was my duty to take care of Jay. I was just eight but I was so used to look out for him and I remember that I hated him so much that day. He had been cranky all morning and I was so annoyed. I couldn't go to school with my friends and he was being an ass that day. How do you think I feel?" The memories brought smile to his face – even to Voight's and Alvin's.

"Then, we walked by a café that displayed slices of apple pie and he unbelievably wanted that. I didn't even have extra money so he kept crying in front of the café. I pulled him to the alley and said that I'll leave him there if he didn't stop crying. And I leave him for real." His voice cracked.

Another shaky breath huffed before he continued. "But I leave him only for a couple of minutes, just for him to realize that I wasn't kidding. I hid behind the block, 10 yards away. Last thing I know, he was nowhere to be found. Only his schoolbag and jacket were there. We tried to find him, sticking posters everywhere with no news at all. Then the next couple of weeks, cops found him along with another boy in Wyoming."

Voight looked at the red rimmed eyes in front of him. The man was upset – guilty. "They found him but we almost lost him again. He was being hospitalized for a month because he was in stoic condition, just stared at nothing, not talking and never looked at us in the eyes. We took him back home. Suddenly, I wasn't sure what happened because one day, he just woke up with no memories of the kidnapping at all. And the most important thing, he started talking again. I remember that day as the happiest day of my life. Dad prevents us from talking about that day so we moved to Chicago from Dixon. And here we are."

Alvin, who just kept silence since the beginning took a seat beside him. "The kidnappers, do you know what happened to them?"

"From what I know, one of them were shot by the cops and the other one was captured. That's just it. You can try to get the details from my dad but I don't think you will get anything out of him." Will gave them a strange look. "What with the question? Don't you guys have ways to get the old reports?"

Alvin and Voight shared an odd look between them – making the doctor restless in his seat. Voight cleared his throat, facing the older Halstead carefully.

"The thing is, there was no reports or anything related to the kidnapping. At all."

 **TBC**

* * *

 **I know you hate cliffhangers but I love them, sorry. I want to write more but if I did, I don't know where to stop. I have a question for you guys, is the pace acceptable? Is it too slow? But I don't think I'm too fast, right? I hope this is okay. Thanks for reading and please review :) (Just a random note : I love this season so much and I can't wait for the next episode in January). I'm not celebrating Christmas but I want to wish a happy holiday for those celebrating and may you have another Happy New Year ahead.**


	4. Chapter 3

**Warning** : Mention of drug abuse in earlier chapters and child abuse in later chapters. Also warning about my bad English.

 **Author's Note :** I would love to thank all of you who still reading and reviewing this story even though I rarely update. I crashed my laptop and now I just manage to buy a new one. I don't really have money so it took me some times to choose the right laptop for me. The problem is, all my old works are still in my old machine and I'm still trying to retrieve them from there. I feel so down. Empty laptop means empty me. I don't know where to start. I hope this is good enough. Oh and another happy warning, there is some chick flick moments here lol.

 **Disclaimer :** CPD and their characters belong to NBC and the production team. The title Silhouette was taken from Aquilo's song. My original idea should be in the lyrics (part of).

* * *

 **Silhouette**

 **Chapter 3**

by SingleMinded

" _The thing is, there was no reports or anything related to the kidnapping. At all. The only remaining evidence that it was ever happened is the missing person report. We are still trying to retrieve anything from the old database. But in the meantime, if you or your father still keep the related documents, we would love to have that."_

Will glanced at the uniformed officer sitting still outside of Jay's room before turning back to his half sitting half lying brother. It had been twelve hours since the last time Jay woke up and he went back here three times and he noticed that the officer changed twice. He was so grateful of Voight's intention to keep his brother safe but at the same time, he couldn't help but feeling a bit anxious about the whole situation.

Voight didn't tell him much but putting two and two together, he was confident that the whole mess was directed to Jay's past.

" _I don't want to put pressure on you, or Jay especially. But just a heads up, if we really couldn't find any way out, there is no option anymore. Jay needs to remember."_

Will closed his eyes, rubbing the temples to reduce the throbbing head. The weight on his shoulders felt heavier. He knew that he needed to call his old man to get down here and giving his own statement. But it was also mean that they would succumbed back to the old memories – to the day that changed their life back then.

And he refused to do that.

"Will…" The whisper – the voice that he waited for so long.

He snapped open his eyes just to meet the emerald greens, belonged to his brother.

"Jay." His lips trembling in excitement. Practically jumping out of the chair, his movement halted, eyes scanning his younger brother – making sure that Jay was awake for real this time.

"Will…," Jay called him once more, moving his hand weakly to reach his brother.

Will grabbed the hand and pulled his brother in a hug – buried his face in the crook of Jay's still warm neck. "Thank you God. Thank you." He whispered with the tears running down his cheeks.

"What happened?" the husky voice sounded so innocent but coherent enough. Will sighed, pulling back from the hug. He didn't answer the question right away but instead, his finger pushed the call button behind Jay's bed.

A nurse came over.

"He's awake, can you bring some water please." Nurse Betty nodded at the order.

"Will…" Jay pleaded, trying to ask more question when his brother stopped him with a pat on his cheek.

"Shhh… talk again after you drink some water. You will hurt your throat. It sounds dry enough." He turned as the nurse came back with a glass of water. Will helped his brother up a little and drink from the paper cup, before carefully assisted him back onto the pillow.

He sat down on the chair, noticing how Jay followed his every movement – questions hovered inside the still sleepy eyes.

"You still have your fever. How do you feel, little brother?"

"Fuzzy."

"You feel hurt anywhere?"

"Maybe." Will felt worried at the response and Jay noticed that – carefully changed the way he delivered the next answer. "Maybe but it's bearable. I'm good."

Jay cleared his throat, trying to get rid of the husky voice. "What happened, Will?"

"I should ask you that brother. You were missing for a week. And they found you OD-ed on Benzo. You actually woke up a few times here. What was the last thing you remember?" Will unconsciously gripped the hand – tighter.

Jay's eyes closed for a short while before they opened again, seeming a little bit puzzled with the swarmed memories.

"I think I was meeting up with my CI. We walked down the alley to get some coffee. I…." He paused – thinking. "I don't think I remember what happened after that but I was being brought to a room… by a guy in a mask."

He took another pause to take a deep breath – wincing as he did so.

Will rubbed his brother's shoulder. "Hey, take your time. Don't talk too fast. You just had been off the vent. You hurt your lung so they fixed it."

Jay looked down at his wrist – at the blue and black bruises behind the hospital tag. "I remember being chained to the wall. Or maybe it's just rope, I… I don't know. And…"

Jay stared at his wrist – hesitated – longer than Will thought he would.

"And what Jay?"

' _And…. Joshua. He killed Joshua.'_

"Jay?"

"Nothing. That… that's all." Jay closed his eyes, turning away and looked at nothing.

Will sighed. He knew that guise, when Jay played the card, it had mean only one thing – he just wanted to stop talking. He wanted to argue, but being a Halstead himself, he knew that his brother won't budge. The stubbornness ran in the family anyway.

Patting his brother's head a few times, he stood up. "I think I'll leave you to rest. Keep this button near you and push it if you need anything." He shoved the wired button into Jay's palm before stepping away to the door.

"Will," He halted. Again, the voice called him.

He turned around to face his little brother. Jay looked troubled.

"Can you stay?" He felt like he had been punched in the gut. How stupid of him to left Jay alone. When Jay was out, he was there most of all his free times but now, when his brother was awake, he left?

He smiled and nodded, pulling back the chair to hold him back down. Pulling out his phone from the pocket, he turned the screen on – ready to be occupied. It was actually a method to hide from his brother as he was trying not to look but he caught the way Jay watched him, making sure that he wasn't really leaving and it broke his heart into pieces.

The second time he took another look, Jay was already drifting off to sleep.

That was a relief.

His eyes scanned the pictures on his Instagram as the finger scrolled the screen leisurely when the red notification popped up. Reid – his second cousin – mentioned him in a picture.

' _When the doctor brother was trying to put his now cop brother in jail!'_

He quickly clicked it, knowing that anything from Reid would surely make him laugh.

It was an old picture when little him and Reid were trying to shove a crying three-year-old toddler Jay into a red basket. He grinned from ear to ear, starting to remember the vague memory.

A birthday party, a messy room with cousins, a crying Jay, an angry mom and a day full of colors.

It was a good day.

He missed the day when they were still a kid, playing around with nothing to worry about. Reid was his favourite cousin. Both Reid and him were doctors now while both their younger brother were cops. If only he had a little sister, maybe she would be a teacher just like Mackenzie, Reid's sister and that was going to be the biggest coincidence they had with each other.

He held the phone arm length, holding it up so he could see it side by side with his brother's sleeping face. Jay still had the freckles and minus the baby fat, he didn't change much. Just one look, people could easily point out which one was Jay even when the hair now was no longer _blond_ like in the picture.

He pulled down his phone, still staring at the old image.

Jay's face was red from crying – one hand was gripping a toy car while the right hand was holding a cookie.

" _That's our serial killer. He left gingerbread's crumbs when he snatched his victims."_

Ruzek's voice suddenly hit his mind.

 _I'll be damn._

He froze in his place.

…

Voight was tapping the paper with the back of his pen when the phone rang. Will's name flashed on the screen and that flushed everything out of his head.

"Voight."

"Hey, Voight. Sorry, it's late but I just remember something." The older Halstead's voice was clearly in slight distress.

"We are still in the office and I'm all ears."

"I don't know if this is related or why your suspect picked my brother when he's clearly different from your other victims. But, I remember one thing. After the kidnapping, they found my brother with another victim. The older boy said, the only thing they ever ate since the kidnapping was gingerbreads. The killer, isn't he called Gingerbread?"

Atwater suddenly knocked the door. "Boss, we got a lead."

Voight nodded before returning to the caller.

"Hey Doc, I really appreciate it. I'll take a look." He ended the call and rushed outside – to his team.

It was late but everyone was still looking fresh and good – or maybe except the older Alvin. But the senior officer used to get his sleep anytime and anywhere he wanted so Voight wasn't really worried if the old friend needed a time off somewhere in the middle of the case.

Atwater was passing papers around for each member of the team. It contains a picture of a dark colored minivan parked outside a motel, and another was a picture of clearly an unconscious man being dragged inside the motel's room by another guy. The picture was bad but everyone in the team could tell that the unconscious man was Jay.

"Dixon Motel, the place where we found Jay has no working CCTV. They were all dummies. But thank god, the diner next door has a set of CCTV in front of their parking lot. It was old hence the pictures. But it was good enough to see the minivan and the scene. It wasn't Joshua for sure because in the next shot after that one with Jay, he was dragging Joshua into the same room. This video was taken a day before we found Jay."

Atwater turn to a bigger close up picture of the guy in black outfit and a black cap on the whiteboard.

"This guy, he's so careful with his surroundings. There was not a single shot taken of his face, not even his side profile. The only lead we have is the minivan. I'm crosschecking it with other states, if there was any sight of this vehicle near the other victims before. Maybe we will get a hit, we're still waiting for any respond."

"Did you notify the patrols?" Voight asked.

"Already did, boss." Ruzek chipped in.

Voight nodded – clearly pleased with the progress.

"Okay, while we're waiting for the news, I need everyone to gather any information about Jay's kidnapping case thirty years ago. I want everyone related to the case, the police and the kidnappers. Make sure if any of them were released and their whereabouts. One more thing, there was another survivor. Find him, he's older than Jay so he should remember better. Maybe he will be the next target too. And Antonio, talk to Jay's father tomorrow. Get as much information as you can get."

Ruzek raised up his hand. "Boss, I know it's weird that the old case was practically wiped out of the system, but are you sure that we need to focus on that. There's still no answer why he chose Jay when his other victims are blond and he's not. He even killed the others but he left Jay alive. It maybe just his mistake. Or maybe someone else mimicking our Gingerbread."

"That's gonna be our other option. But how do you know that he's done with Jay? I just got off the phone with Will. He gave me new info about young Jay's kidnapping. Turns out the kidnappers only feed the kids with gingerbreads. How much coincidences do you need before we realized that it's too late?"

Voight looked at every single person in the bullpen, knowing how much everyone wanted to believe but at the same time, they had the doubt in their mind. Every wrong turn would cost them big this time.

"Hear me out. I know you want to work this one the right way, with no wrong decision so we can get to the killer faster. When it involved one of our own, we will doubt everything, I do understand. But I need you to be in your right mind, to focus and to treat this case just like any other case we work before. When there's too much coincidence, it will sound funny. But odds are, we are on our right path. We just need to dig it."

Nobody said anything except small nods. Anxiousness were written all over their faces and Voight believed, he drew the same expression before he continued.

"And if at the end, we really need Jay to remember, we do that. I'd rather deal with the consequences of him remembering the trauma than losing him now. I want you guys to be with me on this. And I want you to be with him hereafter."

Antonio raised up his hand. "I'm with you, boss."

"Me too" Atwater joined his friend. Follow by the others.

"Good. If you guys need a rest tonight, make sure you come back early tomorrow. We have a long list of witnesses to find."

…

For three days in a row, he stood there, drinking coffee from the machine. This spot was good. He could see the view clearly. He has no reason to get into the room especially with the police officer outside but he could see everything from here. Jay was sleeping with a company on his side. Both were sleeping.

The guy in a scrub – the doctor – was always there. Day and night.

Every single one who needed to be in the room was checked thoroughly by the officer on duty but not the doctor. It bothered him. Until yesterday when a couple of detectives came for questioning and called the doctor as Halstead, then he knew that it was Jay's brother.

He should have known.

He took one last gulp of the bitter black caffeine before crunching the paper cup into a ball. He was about to turn around when he saw the next familiar glimpse hovering outside the room.

The older short haired detective.

He noticed him before, either he just stood outside the room or he took the seat inside – if it wasn't occupied. It was just a short trip, but the old man was there – just like the brother – every single night.

He smirked.

There were too many people protecting the bastard. It was going to be hard this time. But the victory should be sweet.

"Let's play a game, Jay."

…

" _Eat it, or they won't give it to us anymore." The box with two pieces of gingerbread cookies was shoved to him._

 _Jay looked at the food. Just eyeing the hideous human shaped cookies would practically make him throw up. It had been days since his last real meal and he couldn't stand it anymore. His skinny and dry skin were the evidences._

 _He looked at Junior, who slept peacefully on Liam's thigh._

 _He envied the little kid. He really did._

" _I don't want to eat them anymore." He pulled both his knees up and hide his face in his arms – crying._

 _Liam looked panic. "Hey, kid. Hey, please don't cry. They will hear us. Okay how about this?" The older boy pulled out a small wrapped sweet from his pocket._

 _Jay looked up and suddenly brightened up._

" _Why do you have that?"_

" _I always keep some in my pocket." Liam continued but now with a slower whisper – afraid to wake his brother up. "Give me the box."_

 _Jay quickly took the box with gingerbread cookies and moved closer to the brothers. He looked closely as Liam put the sweet inside the box._

" _If I win, I get to eat one of these. And if you win, you can eat one too. The sweet should be for the last winner."_

 _Jay nodded – eagerly._

 _Liam smiled a big smile, knowing that his trick was working. Jay and Junior were exactly the same._

" _Now, Jay. Let's play a game."_

 **TBC**

* * *

 **I don't know that it's so hard to build up a story from scratch. So I'm sorry if I wrote too much from other's POVs. But hey, Jay is awake now so maybe we will see him more next time. Actually, in my head, I only have ideas of what happened when they were little, and still don't know how to wrap this story up. Please give me some review.**


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